I was cleaning out some older files in my studio and came across a Madeleine L'Engle essay, Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?, that I had saved. It was probably photocopied sometime in the late 80s (gasp!). It reminded me of how much has changed in my life and daily work process over the decades. The wrinkled page corners, the slightly misplaced 3-hole punch and my askew copier placement--it flooded me with memories of the thrill of digging through journal stacks and following references in bibliographies until I dug up ever more inspiring pieces. Anyway, I sort of plopped it in my bag, and have been carrying it around for a few weeks, unread. With the holidays, and then an unwelcome visit from the flu to our house (thankfully gone), I've had a chance to sit with it.

"When I was writing The Arm of the Starfish, I would read in the afternoon to my mother and ten-year-old son what I had written during the morning. When I came to the scene where Joshua, who dared disturb the universe, is shot and killed, my son said, "Change it."

     "I can't", I replied. "That's what happened."

     "You're the author. You can change it."

     "But I can't," I repeated. "That's what happened."

And that's how it is with story. A story has its own life. I don't control, manipulate or own it. And story has taught me that when someone is so bold as to disturb the universe, there's trouble ahead. But there's far worse trouble if we don't."

"To be alive is to be vulnerable, to be open to tears and laughter, to dare disturb when it has to be done."